The official site of the book Better Late Than Never Baby - Becoming a Mother Later in Life, written by Serena Kirby.

If you're over age 35 and about to become a mother - this is the book for you.

Enjoy


As featured by

SCOOP ABC Radio National The West Australian 720 Perth Curtin FM Advanced Maternal Age Project Adelaide Advertiser 3AW News.com.au Courier Mail Herald Sun WA Today

6

Guest Blog – Midlife Mothering: Ain’t All It’s Cracked Up to Be?

When you think of mothering, you might think of loving, picturesque scenes of mother and child(ren). You might imagine all-things good, safe and nurturing. Add graying hair, eyeglasses, drying skin and a host of maladies including hot flashes, insomnia, reduced height size and memory capacity, slowing biorhythms and you now have (new) midlife mothering.

As the creator and writer of a number of midlife mother entities, including the first art gallery show dedicated to women choosing motherhood over 40, I’ve worked fervently to engage the public in discussions about this increasingly popular trend. My work has included interviewing dozens of midlife mothers ranging from age 40 to 65. With all of this under my belt, I thought I was well-prepared for whatever might lie ahead in my own midlife mother-journey. I guess not.

So, listen up – I have a dirty little secret: I’m not certain that midlife mothering is all it’s cracked up to be.

To be clear, I’m resoundingly happy about my life choices: at age 55, I now have 8 and 10-year old children and 28 and 30-year-old stepchildren. I’m happy to be a role model; happy to be surrounded by kids and happy to know that I will leave a legacy. Heck, I’m just happy to be a mother.

However, there’s an ugly underpinning to it all. Having gone through menopause, I cope every day with unanticipated body changes and the most sobering recognition that I’m on the other side of the goal post.  And, I still have young children to deal with and everything else that comes with raising a family. (Imagine rocking your baby to sleep while you are having hot flashes. I want to be alive for their graduations, weddings and the birth of their children. Will I?)

I am a member of the “Sandwich Generation” and have absent and aging parents (a sadness since grandparents were the staple during our childhoods).  I am also at an age when illnesses are striking my contemporaries in large numbers.  My husband and I are not planning for retirement anytime soon.  In fact, we expect to continue working for 10-15 more years, since we’ll have children going to college well into our “golden years.”

Although many new books have been written about reinventing ourselves and taking “me” time, we do not have the luxury to think about this.  As mothers over 40, 50 and 60, I think we darn near “reinvented” ourselves when we had, adopted, obtained, or fostered our children!  

Choosing motherhood over 40, we have braved innumerable obstacles and made many sacrifices just to get here. Unlike our younger counterparts, older motherhood did not “just happen.”  For us, it was a conscious and very determined path that we’ve chosen and fought for.

Please know that I’m not seeking pity – just some compassion and understanding. I, too, did not foresee these obstacles when aspiring to be a (mid-life) mother.

So, the next time you see one of us and ask, “Is she the Grandma or the Mother,” the reality is that we may be both.  And, we are also living a new world order.

Cyma Shapiro, 55, is the mother of 8 and 10-year-old children and 28 and 30-year-old stepchildren. She is the writer and creator ofNURTURE: Stories of New Midlife Mothers, the first art gallery show dedicated to women choosing motherhood over 40 (now traveling North America), and the blogsite www.MotheringintheMiddle.com, dedicated to midlife mothers. In two shorts years, Mothering has garnered more than 90 writers, many of whom are well-known and established. Cyma is passionate about supporting women who choose later motherhood and giving them a face, voice, and forum. She is currently working on a midlife mothering book. Cyma can be reached at midlifemothers@gmail.com


Continue the conversation on Facebook

6 Comments

Joan

2013-09-11 14:27:24 Reply

Hello Cyma,

Thanks for your post. I also had my first baby at the age of 42 and yes, I am certainly a part of the sandwich generation. My hubby’s parents lived near us when the kids were little and there were quite a few times when my kids and I went with my mother-in-law to the doctors. My in-laws weren’t able to help us much, though they were willing, and there were quite a few times when there were four to look after rather than just our two.

There are a couple of ingredients that can lighten the load particularly for women in those busy early years, the first is not just a supportive partner but someone who ‘gets’ that we’re in this together. The second is access to adequate finances where you don’t have to sweat the food, rent or mortgage and the third is a supportive family or network of friends.

Unfortunately, none of my family lived nearby but I was a member of three playgroups which gave me network of friends who became an important part of my everyday life.

I wouldn’t change things, though I was one of those people who could have just as easily lived without procreating. After having children I came to understand this more and I have put together a short DVD to explain the circumstances, particularly in relation to the connection between my mum and me. This is probably too personal to put other there on the net but I have used the text to make up a, kind of, free verse version. I may submit this to the site Literary Mama but is this the kind of thing that interests you?

Best, Joan

Cyma Shapiro

2013-09-11 19:23:01 Reply

Hi, Joan – really impressed by your insights and awareness of the unique forces which befall midlife mothers. It sounds like you have been supported in many ways- a true blessing to both surviving and enjoying this ride. I have not been so lucky, in those ways. Yes, I would love to see the video and anything else you’d like to show me! I l

Cyma Shapiro

2013-09-11 19:23:58 Reply

Hi, Joan – really impressed by your insights and awareness of the unique forces which befall midlife mothers. It sounds like you have been supported in many ways- a true blessing to both surviving and enjoying this ride. I have not been so lucky, in those ways. Yes, I would love to see the video and anything else you’d like to show me! I look forward to connecting! Best – Cyma

cheap jerseys direct

2013-09-13 04:51:04 Reply

Hey There. I found your blog using msn. This is a very well written article. I抣l be sure to bookmark it and come back to read more of your useful information. Thanks for the post. I will certainly comeback.

kids nfl jerseys

2013-09-14 06:43:39 Reply

I truly appreciate this blog post.Really thank you!

Xavier Adibi jersey

2013-09-24 13:23:54 Reply

I really like it whenever people get together and share thoughts. Great blog, continue the good work!
Xavier Adibi jersey http://www.simone-esse.com/portfolio/nfl.aspx?5

Leave a Reply